We recently held a contest to find out what kind of info you guys wanted to know about David Cross, and all we got were a lot of questions wanting to know shit about why he’s such a dick or about his relationship with Amber Tamblyn. You know, the thing is, David and I have had some really great times together, as you can see from our photos. Also, he’s a really great, sweet guy who cares a lot about animals, presidents, and how condescending Whole Foods is. I had the opportunity, while David and I were at Medieval Times in Schaumberg, Illinois (holler!), to kick back over a bowl of Dragon’s Blood (aka tomato) soup and find out just who he really is. Let’s meet David!
LS: David, first off I’m going to ask you some fan questions that were submitted. Later on I will ask you my own, but here’s what the fans want to know:
Q: My 7-year-old loves to read the jokes from the back of Highlights Magazine and “tell” them back to me. Is this the path most professionals follow to become comedians?
DC: If by most you mean at least slightly more than 50 % then, yes. The rest of us started by stealing material from the kids who memorized the stuff from Highlights. P.S. They still make that thing? I remember reading that when I was at the medicare office waiting room with the other poor, white trash kids. And I’m an oldie! [Goofus and Gallant taught me all my manners. –ed]
Q: Do your parents like your jokes?
DC: My mom does yeah. Well to be more precise I’m not sure about the jokes per-se but she thinks that the fact that I’m a successful comic is “neat”. [It is neat! –ed]
Q: Who inspires you? What are you listening to alot of lately on your IPod?
DC: I am inspired by my friends and girlfriend more than any specific person. Although right now I’ve been watching Shameless (a British show) on dvd, catching up on it and I find it very inspiring. As a tv show. As art. I can’t wait to see how they fuck up the American version. Should be painful. I am listening to Dum Dum Girls (right now as I type this) old Goldie, still listening to Blueprint 3, Avi Buffalo, and when I’m walking home buzzed from the Pub I’ll listen to some old mod stuff — The Jam, Buzzcocks, Fall type stuff from my teenage years. I figure since I’m in London now…Oh! And this really great Nick Cave bootleg I got at the Portobello Market. That too.
Q: What’s the story behind douche chill?
DC: If I remember correctly one of the writers brought that up in the writers room as a commonly used phrase and every other person was like, “what the fuck are you talking about? I’ve never heard that” and everyone made fun of him. I am completely wrong about that though. [OK then! -ed]
Q: Do you and Bob still get along? And if not, why?
DC: Yeah! We’re very good friends. Apart from the thing with getting him banned from the Arclight Cinema for life we’re cool. [This is probably a really, really good story. –ed]
LS: Okay, well those questions were just great—thanks, readers! Now, David, I have a few things I want to know about you, so listen up. What’s your daily routine when you’re not working? Do you hang out at your house mostly or do you go out a bunch? Are you a breakfast eater?
DC: If I’m in NY I go out quite a bit. Part of that is having a dog, but even before I did I would just wake up, have a cup of coffee, check my email, scan the news, and then just head out on foot or bike with no real plan. It’s one of the best things about NY. And you invariably end up doing or experiencing something fun. If I’m in LA I mope around the area I’m in usually wishing I was back east. Now that there is a Trader Joe’s in the area (in NY) there is literally nothing better about being in LA. I’m annoying like that.
LS: I’ve read that you attended a performing arts high school—what was that like?
DC: It was a life-saver. And I mean that literally. I probably would’ve dropped out of high school and headed to NY and who knows what kind of trouble I would’ve gotten in then. I often credit moving from the suburbs to the city and going from my awful upper middle-class, Baptist, white jock-centric high school (Crestwood High) to this cool, very diverse in every sense school where P.E. was replaced by theater movement and shit like that with, perhaps, saving my life.
LS: Were you fairly popular?
DC: Somewhat. I think people knew who I was because I was a smart-ass but I wouldn’t say I was all that popular. [Notorious D.I.C. –ed.]
LS: Do you think you would’ve been a wildly different person if you had just gone to a regular school?
DC: I think I would have done things more out of anger and desperation and that sometimes isn’t the best motivation for doing things. I probably would have acted out in increasingly self-harmful ways. [That just kinda happened naturally in your adult life, right? –ed]
LS: Did you do drugs in high school?
DC: Not a lot but I would get high if anything. I started getting high at about 13. Occasionally drink but mostly weed. Not that much though. I was so bored it made life slightly more interesting. [God, tell me about it. –ed.] I didn’t try acid or mushrooms until college. And then I tried a LOT of acid and mushrooms.
LS: What are some hobbies of yours? Do you go to the gym?
DC: When I’m in LA I make myself go to the gym because I wouldn’t get much exercise outside of the occasional hike if I didn’t. In NY I walk or bike for miles a day. Every day. Are you equating going to the gym with a hobby? What a shitty hobby! [I’m fat, so I just assume it must be a hobby because why the hell else would you do it? Well, I guess to not be fat, but you know what I mean. –ed] I collect baseball cards sort of. In a rich persons way where I just buy them and put the cool ones up on my “baseball card shelf” in my office. I’m not a hardcore completest. What else? I like going to the different Scientology Centers at each city I go to. [Have you been to the one in Seattle? It’s a weird spot off Aurora, next to all the hookers. –ed.] And I like Scrapbooking the life of Anita Fargimount of Cedar Point, IL. [You are making that up. –ed]
LS: I have a list of some things here that are generally regarded as being funny. Please tell me if you find these things funny. Number one is Shreds
DC: FUCK YEAH! [Yeah, right? I mean no one could not like this. =ed]
LS: Number two is Drunk History
DC: Yes please! [Also, the best other thing on the internet. Are you in one? You should be. -ed]
LS: Numero tres is Lolcats
DC: No thank you. [I think it’s a lady thing. And also an effeminate man thing. –ed]
LS: Four time’s a charm with Fail blog
DC: Sure, why not? [I only like the photos, not the videos. –ed]
LS: We’re almost done, and I think this could go either way, how do you feel about Daniel Tosh?
DC: Yes, I like him and the show. He’s kinda the perfect host for it. [Really?! I am pleasantly surprised by your response! I saw him once a loooong time ago. He opened for Dave Chappelle at some comedy club in Austin. I think the logo is shaped like a chili pepper on wheels. This was in 1998 or so. –ed]
LS: And finally, my favorite show and yours…America’s Funniest Home Videos!
DC: Ummmmmm…… [You obviously are not smoking that much pot these days. –ed]
Thanks for your time, David. I have so much more that I want to know now, so maybe we can do a round two at the Scientology Center next time you are in town. OH SHIT! I almost forgot! Be sure to pick up David’s new album and DVD Bigger and Blackerer out May 25th!