INCONSEQUENTIAL : FRI, JAN 17, 2014 at 12:00 AM

People Who Work Here: Bekah Zietz (It’s Her Birthday!)

Bz times three

What is there to say about Bekah Zietz that hasn’t already been said? Well, for one thing, she’s one half of Sub Pop’s publicity powerhouse. And you know what they say, if you don’t have magicians in your publicity department, you’re essentially just running a Fashion Bug in Duluth, MN. Not that there’s anything wrong with Duluth or Fashion Bug, or Bekah for that matter!

Hiya, Bekah! Please describe your exact surroundings right now.

I am writing you from a secure location somewhere in Seattle, WA.

Are you listening to music? If so, what?

Of course, doyyyyyyyy. Here are some things I have been listening to lately: Versions by Zola Jesus , Dream River by Bill Callahan, WITCH, Nepenthe by Julianna Barwick, The Evil One by Roky Erickson, MCII by Mikal Cronin and Run The Jewels .

Where were you born?

Close to West Philadelphia, born not raised.

Where were you raised?

I grew up in Plymouth Meeting, PA which is about 20 minutes outside Center City Philadelphia.

Tell me about your parents.

My mom’s a film scholar my dad was a math professor, both with PHDs yet somehow I work at Sub Pop, I guess the brains skipped a generation.

Do you have siblings? If so, tell me about them.

Yes, a younger sister. She is one of the coolest people I know. Smart (getting a Master’s in Public Health), a total babe and a seasoned traveler (she has lived in India and Africa.) She is also the smartest narc I know. (Footnote: Thanks for outing that I smoke weed to Mom, Sukie.)

Have you ever been arrested? If so, for what?

No, but I’m working on a music related Pyramid scheme which should land me in jail in the next 3-5 years.

Please submit a drawing of Lou Pearlman

Have you even been in a fist fight?

Sort of. When I was 15, I broke up a fight between this girl who just got out of Juvie and my friend. I got punched in the eye and was wearing a Tie-Dye shirt. That shirt was a low point for me.

Have you ever been mugged?

Knock on wood, only an attempted mugging. When I was 18 I went to Mexico City on a study abroad program and for some reason I thought it was a good idea to put my wallet in my back pocket, traveling through a very crowded metro station. While stepping onto the train I felt someone take my wallet from my pocket and was able to quickly turn around and punch him in the stomach. Looking back at it now, I have no idea why I punched him in the stomach but thanks to my cat-like reflexes I was able to retrieve my wallet.

What is your favorite place in the entire world?

My happy place is anywhere by a body of water. Beaches, lakes, canals, swamps…

Do you sleep on your stomach, side, or back? What is your preferred pillow type?

On my side with some 2 pillow action.

Do you have vivid dreams? If so, can you recall a recent one?

Only when I go to sleep stoned, so often. I dreamt the other night I was The Wolverine and stole a rental car. Weed does weird things in REM but at least it’s legal in Washington state.

What kind of car do you drive?

Honda Civic, the Mercedes Benz of the middle class.

Can you drive stick shift?

No, but it’s been a goal of mine for years to learn. You never know when an Apocalyptic Zombie invasion will happen and you will find yourself in Europe without being able to drive a car.

Are you good at any sports? If so, which ones?

Mini golf and keg stands.

Have you ever met a celebrity (or semi-celeb) who was unfriendly? If so, who, when, and what happened?

I once met Aubry Fisher from Rock of Love who then became the receptionist on LA INK. She was pretty friendly but stuck her grimy paws in my bag of Swedish Fish without asking, RUDE.

Tell me about John Mayer.

What do you want to know?

Where did you meet John Mayer?

In 2003 I was interviewing John Mayer for the weekly in Burlington, Vermont called Seven Days. I went went on John Mayer’s bus and played Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater with him. We got really stoned.

Was it just you and John Mayer?

It was just me and John Mayer.

What was his bus like?

It was the first time that I was on a tour bus. It was really fancy, I felt like I was in Almost Famous.

You were literally almost famous.

I guess.

Was there a moment that seemed like it was going to get intimate?

No, but there was a moment when he said goodbye and then went to kiss me on the cheek, but I didn’t know what was happening so I turned my head at the last second and he kissed me on the lips.

How long was the kiss?

I mean, I was stoned so it was probably only a few seconds, but it seemed like minutes.

Would you say that he has “the goods”?

Yeah, of course, it’s John Mayer dude.

What celebs had he kissed before you?

I don’t know exactly…

Sasha Morgan: Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Oh, right.

Is it interesting to you that all of the people who he has dated since then have gotten your sloppy seconds?

Yeah. I think that Katy Perry…

You had already explored that terrain; you had already planted the flag of Bekah on John Mayer.


Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever seen one?

I think so, but I’m a ‘fraidy cat about the paranormal so thinking about it sort of freaks me out.

Do you think that the USA should invade Syria?

I think we should paradrop Derek Erdman into Syria to assist with the humanitarian relief.

Do you think that the USA should invade Canada?

I think Canada should invade the US. We need more well-mannered, happy people in the US who mispronounce “ehhhhhhhhh.”

What’s the worst part about the USA?


What the best part about the USA?


Estimate how many cigarettes you’ve smoked in your whole life.

This question makes me wanna puke just thinking about a number.

What is your favorite food?

Goldfish crackers.

Which flavor?

I’m a traditionalist when it comes to Goldfish, and go original.

Do you like eggs? If so, what is your favorite style?

Yes, but only if they are golden and hand plucked from a farm in Vermont.

Do you prefer showers or baths?

Showers, I don’t like the idea of sitting in your own filth.

Do you jaywalk?

Of course, I’m from the east coast.

Have you ever broken a bone? If so, which one? What happened?

Nope, but I once broke my best friend’s arm skiing.

Have you ever fainted? Been in a coma?

Never fainted but I have been in a food-induced coma.

What’s your favorite kind of cake?

Birthday cake.

Have you ever vomited in public?

Yes, I was 15 and got very drunk on wine coolers (pretty hip, right?) that my friends and I snuck into a Dave Matthews concert. I not only puked in public but I puked on a person. I would like to take this time to apologize to that guy I puked on. Karma is a bitch, and I am waiting for the world’s revenge to attack me.

Who is your favorite co-worker? Least favorite?

Yogi Bear Claw and Randy Sexhouser, you can pick the order.

What’s the drunkest you’ve ever seen a Sub Pop employee? What happened?

One time Poneman came into my cube and started robotripping right in front of me. That was weird.

Are you a good cook? What is your signature dish?

My George Foreman Grill is, he makes me tasty treats like grilled chicken with rosemary, yum.

What is your ALL TIME top #1 favorite Sub Pop release?

Courtney Love and Calvin Johnson’s Singles Club single of “Islands in the Stream”.

Who’s the best looking person in the Sub Pop artist roster?

(no answer given)

Any final thoughts?

Did Neil Armstrong really walk on the moon?

Thanks a lot, Bekah!

Posted by Derek Erdman