TUE, AUG 8, 2006 at 11:24 AM

SEPTEMBER SIDEWALK: LOBBY LOVE

PROFILED: Sub Pop ex-patriot Miss KERRI HARROP.

ATTITUDE: Kerri is always welcomed at Sub Pop, not just because she graduated, but because she’s a slutty, smooth-talking sex pot with a pretty mouth. She likes to visit everyone’s office and pat all the bottoms in the place, and then leave lipstick all over everyone, and in general, make everyone’s panties hurt.

APPEARANCE: I think because of her tan and her new coppery hair she looks just like the “Titian” look Barbie Doll. Of course you don’t know what that means so suffice it to say, Kerri is bodacious. She can make an 18-hour bra go 24 hours.

ODOR: Coco Chanel.

PLEASE AND THANKYOUS: A very polite and well-spoken Irish girl, Kerri also has excellent penmanship and admirable table manners. Although she has never killed anyone, she has slayed many.

ENTOURAGE: On this day the man in tow was Jared from the act known as Tight Bros. From Way Back When (courtesy Kill Rock Stars, new record: “Lend You A Hand”). He is very cute. And, (gosh I hope it’s okay for me to say this) he reminds me of Peter Brady.

SPAZZITUDE: Well ya! Kerri has got some mighty vocal chords and a laugh that peels the paint. Hear her roar.

FINAL GRADE: Well A+! And what could be nicer?


Posted by Harry Dean Hudson