No Fly List: Notes From Sub Pop’s Airport Store (November 2015)
Unthanksgiving at the Airport
Welcome to another dispatch from the Sub Pop store. The months of October and early November bring a relative downtime at the airport, in-between the busier summer vacation and holiday travel seasons. One might assume that we would use this opportunity to re-group, develop plans for improving the store, and/or stockpile winter-wear goods. Instead, I’ve used the lull to stew about all the regrets and perceived slights I’ve experienced this year. In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to type out some things that I am particularly ‘unthankful’ for, because sometimes it’s necessary and cathartic to express your gripes, in order to see how petty/inconsequential/ridiculous they might be. I also strong-armed a few of my co-workers to join me in giving ‘unthanks’ this year. Enjoy!
Here at the store, I am unthankful for the following things:
-Dust bunnies that look like dreadlocks.
-Canadian coins in the cash register.
-Only being able to play a few seconds of Eugene Mirman’s ”full-hearted 45-minute cry-a-thon” in the store before I am overcome by emotion and have to change it.
-Not recognizing the following people until immediately after they left the store:
- Wayne Coyne
- Sherman Alexie
- Jaron Lanier
- The members of Poison Idea
-Customers who ask, “Will this t-shirt fit my son/daughter/wife/husband/niece/nephew/dog?”
-The sounds that emanate from occupied stalls in the men’s bathroom(s).
-The man wearing shorts who insisted on showing me his recent jellyfish stings on his legs.
-The question, “Now that Sub Pop has a store in the airport, does that mean they have officially sold out?”
-Waking up early to make a lunch and then forgetting it at home.
-The father who talked on his cellphone for 10 minutes about the consistency/texture/color of his new baby’s bowel movements.
In my personal life, I’m unthankful that my favorite baseball player, Juan Uribe, is no longer employed by my favorite baseball team, the Los Angeles Dodgers. And also that this much-needed scientific device has not been released yet.
Let’s turn it over to some of my co-workers!
“I’m unthankful for:
- The Seattle Mariners
- Ben Carson’s fully functional vocal cords
- Rain but no snow
- No parks to speak of in Parkland (I know right?)
- Traffic (how original)”
“Here we are again, at the eleventh hour, and of course, I show up at your “E” door-step in my sweatpants and curlers, yielding yet another untimely and, probably unusable, contribution to this months monthly news such and such. I am very sorry of course, but I can grant you no guarantee that this will not be the last incident of this sort, most likely all submissions will arrive in your “in” basket around 6pm of the afternoon following day any deadline given.
So you have asked for us to submit a list of some of the things things for which we were not so thankful for this year, leaning in the direction of funny. I am afraid my friend that I cannot grant you the wish that you desire. For, after an exceedingly large quantity of pondering, and a few glasses of Tang drink, I can’t, for the life of me, conjure up even one thing that I am unthankful for. I seem to busting at my pant legs with a sort of humble Gratitude for all, and all of my existence and the universe, and all of the whatnot of this sometimes crazy world we all have to live in. So apologize, I can’t fulfill this months request, at least not with this stupid brain.
I can however list a few of the wonderful things from this year that I, so very graciously, give thanks for. For example, I am overwhelmingly grateful for my family. This time of year you can’t avoid thinking about family. I always remember all of those good times we had while we were growing up, all of the holidays we spent together, and the summers too. How lucky am I to have been born into such a loving and caring group of individuals? I do kind of wish Randy was dead though.
I can no longer submit to useless negative emotions that can overwhelm you and withhold the marvelous wonders and joys that life has to give, such as, cats! What furry, kind and, beautiful beasts, so cute and small but bigger than rats and not as loyal as a dogs. Our cat, Tab, turned 5 this year and although I am deathly allergic to her fur and dander, and I really wish she would use the scratching post instead of the couch. I am really grateful the vet has the means to fight off her cancerous lesions thereby sustaining her life for a mere $500 dollars a session, ensuring that my wife and I will have a furry friend who tracks it’s cat bathroom sand throughout our once odor free home, for many years to come.
The point Is, who am I to complain when there is so much suffering out there and I have so much in my life like, tinnitus, my illiterate mail man who doesn’t really “get” what numbers mean, and what about traffic?
Life is a gift and I have no complaints, only gratitude.
If this is too long just put “White Sauce,” why does everybody put it on everything? What’s the deal with that?
“Whether he’s signing up for Christian Mingle or forced into using an unfortunate password at a bar, it’s the latest entry in Mirman’s absurd discography.” - AV Club
“His third comedy album, I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome), is an absurd nine-volume, seven-LP opus ranging from “A Guided Meditation to a Thoughtful Body” to an “Introduction to Spoken Russian” to “Over 45 Minutes of Crying,” which features him—you guessed it—crying for over 45 minutes.” - Newsweek
“…Mirman’s subversive, brilliant comedy justifies the sumptuous settings.” [B+] - Consequence of Sound
Eugene Mirman’s I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) is a hilarious 9-volume, 7-LP comedy album that’s now available worldwide as a lavish, 7-LP box set or digitally via Sub Pop Mega Mart, iTunes, and Amazon. Additionally, limited-edition embroidered robes are also available to purchase from megamart.subpop.com (while supplies last). As for the chair with built in audio player, the option is currently sold out.
I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) is the culmination of a long-time dream of Eugene’s. It includes a vast array of sounds that can be described as varyingly poignant, erotic, practical, romantic, mind-altering, educational, and humorous. Need to learn Russian? Eugene provides. Meditation sounds? Eugene provides. The sound of a grown man crying? Eugene provides. Oh, also, this release contains a full set of live standup recorded at Columbia City Theater in Seattle, WA June 6, 7, & 8, 2014.
Eugene Mirman begins the I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) tour tonight, October 30th at Brooklyn’s Bell House and ends November 19th in Boston at the Paradise. Support will come from Derrick Brown and Josie Long (details + dates below).
I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) has earned praise from the likes of The AV Club, Noisey, Mashable, Newsweek, GQ, Consequence of Sound, The Observer, PASTE, Exclaim, Village Voice, New York Magazine, and more.
I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) contains the following collection of tracks on 7 LPs:
LP1 - Live In Seattle At The Columbia City Theater
Good-humored noticings from America’s “Master of the Noticing!”
LP 2A - A Guided Meditation For The Thoughtful Body
A calming meditation to cheer and sooth the cluttered mind, the injured heart and the anxious body
LP 2B - Fuckscape
An erotic soundscape for lovebirds and adventurous friends
LP 3 - Eugene’s Comprehensive Sound Effects Library
Tremendous, mouth-made sound effects for amateur and professional foley artists alike
LP 4 - Digital Drugs
A binaural acoustic pharmacy for the carefree or ill
LP 5 - Over 45 Minutes of Crying
A full-hearted 45-minute cry-a-thon
LP 6A - Introduction To Spoken Russian
The language of Pushkin as taught by someone who left Russia at the age of 4
LP 6B - Ringtones & Outgoing Voicemail Messages For Your Personal Use
Turn every phone call you miss or receive into a thousand-million smiles
LP7 - 195 Orgasms
Read more about Eugene Mirman and I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) right over here.
Oct. 30 - Brooklyn, NY - The Bell House *
Nov. 06 - Austin, TX - Fun Fun Fun Fest * ^
Nov. 11 - Los Angeles, CA - Largo * ^
Nov. 12 - Seattle, WA - The Neptune * ^
Nov. 14 - Portland, OR - Newmark Theatre *^
Nov. 19 - Boston, MA - The Paradise * ^
* w/ Derrick Brown
^ w/ Josie Long
Beach House’s Thank Your Lucky Stars, the group’s second album for 2015, is available now on vinyl and digitally in North America through Sub Pop Mega Mart, Bandcamp, Amazon, iTunes and your local record stores, with the CD version hitting shelves tomorrow, October 30th.
Thank Your Lucky Stars entered the charts at #38 on the Billboard Top 200, with 11,125 scanned. Additional chart placements include: #1 / Vinyl; #4 / Alternative Albums; #6 / Independent; #7 / Internet; #24 / Current Albums; #24 / Digital.
Beach House’s 2015/16 worldwide tour in support of Thank Your Lucky Stars and Depression Cherry is underway, with a show tonight, October 29th in Paris for Pitchfork Music Festival. Their 2015 dates end with a sold-out 3-night stand December 17-19 in San Francisco at The Fillmore. Then, they’ll kick-off 2016 dates on January 30th in Singapore at Laneway Festival and continue through to a sold out, two-night stand March 18th-19th at Philadelphia’s Union Transfer. (tour details below)
Beach House’s Depression Cherry (released Aug. 28, 2015) earned the group its second consecutive top 10 album, coming in at #8 on the Billboard Top 200 chart. Meanwhile, in the UK, the album also entered at #17 on the Top 200 Albums chart. At radio, Depression Cherry has now spent 5 weeks at #1 on the CMJ Top 200. Depression Cherry is also available in North America from Sub Pop Mega Mart, iTunes, Amazon and Bandcamp.
Beach House’s Thank Your Lucky Stars and Depression Cherry were recorded during the same two-month span, and produced by the band and Chris Coady at Studio in the Country in Bogalusa, Louisiana.
What people are saying about Beach House:
Thank Your Lucky Stars
“The temptation to view this album as a sequel to Depression Cherry is strong, but the two albums stand apart: Where the earlier album reveled in the bittersweet implications of its title with lush, layered arrangements, Stars is a purer vision of the realities of love, balancing the rush of romance with the burdens that can come along with it.” - Rolling Stone
“’Elegy to the Void’ from Thank Your Lucky Stars, the band’s second album in two months, is engulfing, ethereal and entrancing — as all voids should be.” [“Elegy to the Void”] - NPR Music
“’Elegy to the Void’ creeps in slow, circling on the twilight axis of Victoria Legrand’s deep voice and a low string section. Its effect is like a gravitational vacuum, gently pulling you into a world of vast uncertainty with a ‘black clock looming.’ …A familiar drum chugs in, a guitar rips through with heavenly scratches of feedback, and suspended grief becomes pummeling light. With that, “Elegy to the Void” turns from an ode-to-emptiness into a crucial instructive: thank your lucky stars for everything.” [“Elegy to the Void”, “Best New Track”] - Pitchfork
“Thank Your Lucky Stars is melancholy beauty. It’s music for late nights, for falling adrift in slow dark waters and gazing numbly at the glowing moonlight.” [9/10] - PopMatters
“The idea that you can have too much of a good thing is thoroughly debunked with Thank Your Lucky Stars, such is the beauty of the songwriting and their uncanny ability to create an all-consuming mood.” [8.5 / 10] - The Line Of Best Fit
“..the full sonic and emotional weight is tremendous.” [B +] - AV Club
“This album is not like anything they have ever done, and gives music fans reason to be thankful.” [B+] - Consequence of Sound
“Beach House’s releases to date have come fogged by intoxicant, nostalgia, and hypoxia, but Thank Your Lucky Stars does what their work has begged for all along and wipes the dew from their rearview mirror. You’re going to like what you see.” [8/10] - SPIN
“Companion album or not, it does nothing but further cement Beach House’s legacy of consistent beauty and quality.” - Under the Radar
“Singer Victoria Legrand has a refreshingly unshowy croon that’s one of the most seductive in pop, and her gorgeous synth drones and guitarist Alex Scally’s effects-laden riffs are exquisite.” [A -] - Entertainment Weekly
“Reliable, virtually misstep-proof conjurers of a distinct and desirable mood, Legrand and multi-instrumentalist Alex Scally have accumulated the accolades, connections and festival appearances of an unmistakably cool band. But for Beach House, coolness is just another word for calm, for a sound that’s engineered to settle jangled nerves and transport listeners to a warmer, softer, easier place.” - NPR Music
“Anyone who doesn’t fall for Depression Cherry’s hypnotic splendour probably just isn’t a Beach House fan, or didn’t live with the album long enough. But those who do will recognize this album as the sweeping, grand gesture they’ve been working up to giving us for the last nine years.” [9/10] - Exclaim!
“Depression Cherry has four masterful set pieces, staggered to hit as odd-numbered tracks, each deepening the pervasive sense of rediscovered romance.” [8.5 / 10] - MAGNET
“Another impeccably measured step forward.” [8.4 / 10 “Best New Music] - Pitchfork
“Depression Cherry may proudly adhere to every fuzzy touchstone of the genre, but it’s also a record on which every subtle chord shift and breathy sigh feels considered.” [4/5] - The Guardian
Oct. 29 - Paris, FR - Pitchfork Music Festival
Oct. 30 - London, UK - Shepherds Bush Empire [Sold Out]
Oct. 31 - London, UK - Shepherds Bush Empire [Sold Out]
Nov. 02 - Amsterdam, NL - Paradiso [Sold Out]
Nov. 03 - Brussels, BE - Autumn Falls @ AB [Sold Out]
Nov. 04 - Koln, DE - Gloria
Nov. 05 - Luxemborg, LU - Den Atelier
Nov. 07 - Reykjavik, IS - Iceland Airwaves
Nov. 10 - Oslo, NO - Sentrum Scene
Nov. 11 - Gothenburg, SE - Tradgarn
Nov. 12 - Stockholm, SE - Debaser Medis [Sold Out]
Nov. 13 - Copenhagen DK - Vega [Sold Out]
Nov. 14 - Hamburg, DE - Kampnagel K1
Nov. 16 - Berlin, DE - Huxley’s
Nov. 17 - Munich, DE - Freiheiz
Nov. 18 - Lausanne, CH - Les Docks
Nov. 20 - Barcelona, ES - Apolo [Sold Out]
Nov. 22 - Madrid, ES - La Riviera [Sold Out]
Nov. 23 - Lisbon, PT - Armazén [Sold Out]
Nov. 24 - Porto, PT - Teatro sa da Bandeira
Dec. 07 - Santa Ana, CA - The Observatory [Sold Out]
Dec. 09 - Los Angeles, CA - The Fonda Theatre [Sold Out]
Dec. 10 - Los Angeles, CA - The Fonda Theatre [Sold Out]
Dec. 11 - Los Angeles, CA - The Fonda Theatre [Sold Out]
Dec. 12 - Los Angeles, CA - The Fonda Theatre [Sold Out]
Dec. 17 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore [Sold Out]
Dec. 18 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore [Sold Out]
Dec. 19 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore [Sold Out]
Jan. 30 - Singapore, SP - Laneway Festival @ The Meadow, Gardens By The Bay
Feb. 01 - Auckland, NZ - Laneway Festival @ Silo Park
Feb. 05 - Adelaide, AU - Laneway Festival @ Harts Mill
Feb. 06 - Bowen Hills, AU - Laneway Festival @ Brisbane Showgrounds
Feb. 07 - Sydney, AU - Laneway Festival @ Sydney College Of The Arts
Feb. 13 - Melbourne, AU - Laneway Festival @ Footscray Community Arts Centre
Feb. 14 - Fremantle, AU - Laneway Festival @ Esplanade Reserve and West End
Feb. 29 - Cleveland, OH - House of Blues
Mar. 01 - Chicago, IL - Vic Theatre [Sold Out]
Mar. 05 - Toronto, ON - Danforth Music Hall [Sold Out]
Mar. 06 - Toronto, ON - Danforth Music Hall
Mar. 09 - Montreal, QC - Rialto Theatre
Mar. 11 - Boston, MA - House of Blues
Mar. 14 - New York, NY - Webster Hall [Sold Out]
Mar. 15 - New York, NY - Webster Hall [Sold Out]
Mar. 16 - New York, NY - Webster Hall [Sold Out]
Mar. 18 - Philadelphia, PA - Union Transfer [Sold Out]
Mar. 19 - Philadelphia, PA - Union Transfer [Sold Out]
For ticket info please visit http://www.beachhousebaltimore.com/tour.