TUE, AUG 8, 2006 at 11:24 AM

TOP FIVE SUB POP RECORDS THAT WILL MAKE REALLY SHITTY VALENTINE*S DAY GIFTS

We here at Sub Pop World Headquarters aren’t alone in our assertion that Valentine’s Day is total crap. And it ain’t just because we’re not loved or because Matador never sends us gifts like they used to. Well, maybe it’s because of that.But I digress.In the spirit of the season of forced, commercialized love, we’d like to humbly list the top five releases of ours that, while they’re some of our favorite records ever, would bum out that hot Susie Sanchez in yr limnology class, who totally told us that she wants an FTD Hug-E-Boo-quet this year.5. Monkeywrench:Clean as a Broke Dick DogWhile the title of this killer release may suggest that you are, in fact, free of STDs, there’s nary a bit of romance in sight.4.Julie Doiron:Loneliest in the Morning.Man, I love Julie. But unless you’ve fucked up bad, this ain’t the V-day gift for you…with jams like “Sorry Part I” and the even more apologetic “Sorry Part II”, Ms. Doiron might make your paramour wonder what you’ve done that he/she doesn’t know about.3.Big Chief:Mack Avenue Skull GameMack Avenue’s hardly where your sweetie wants to find you, dude. And track 2, “My Name Is Pimp (Mack’s Theme)” just might give him/her the wrong idea about those late nights you’ve been having.2. Any Dwarves Record.You can’t deny the awesomeness of the Dwarves, but unless your love interest is into tons of stage blood and lots of fucking (and maybe they are?), this could start yr relationship off pretty rocky.1. Wolf Eyes:Stabbed In The Face b/w Burned MindI know, I know—it sucks that Valentine’s Day is about hearts and kittens instead of about Detroit’s most killer noise pirates, but y’can’t change that. And if your only gift to an unsuspecting crush is this 12", he/she might run to hide the knives and matches.Hope this list of less-desirable love gifts has helped you pare down yours. Remember: Sub Pop is always making out with you….virtually. xo, Joan & Sub Pop


Posted by Harry Dean Hudson