TUE, AUG 8, 2006 at 11:24 AM

June Sidewalk: LOBBY LOVE

PROFILED: Michael Maker, of the Makers

EASE OF MOTION: Well, strange you should ask because Michael Maker virtually glides along like a girl on a catwalk. If he walks his bad self up to you in a certain fashion, you might faint. He’ll be right there to catch you because in most cases he will already have his tongue in your ear.

ATTITUDE: The guy is one of those pretty bitches who somehow remains super masculine in a rather aggressive fashion, if you don’t mind me saying so. Watch out for his deadly sexray.

APPEARANCE: Big sunglasses, jet black hair fashionably greasy, assorted metallic paraphernalia, pointy Spanish cowboy boots, thin as a whip, and extremely tight pants. If he put a vinyl panel across his ass he’d have butt cleavage.

STINKINESS: I think he uses body splash.

P&Q: When Michael lounges across your desk with his nose in your shirt, he’s actually remarkably polite. I did however have a conversation about a third party with him while he yawned and preened himself that in no less than 12 seconds digressed to him asking “so did you fuck him?” It seemed so natural I actually answered. And my answer was of course ‘god no.’

GIFTS: I think he actually has given me gifts before, little tokens or trinkets… something cute.

FLAG: There are many. Pick one. Use a bedazzler to apply some sequins here (pointing), and here, and on the corner here.

ENTOURAGE: Always the remaining Makers, who tend to become curiously blown out by Michael’s feathers and foxy hot rod car and of course, there’s always a gorgeous girl on a cell phone somewhere in the vicinity. Her handbag is almost bigger than her whole body, and it just might be where Michael keeps his “other” entourage, and of course lip-balm.

SPAZZINESS: Well yes, now that you mention it. I think I have seen him open doors with a deliberate swing of his tiny little hips. Just knocking the place down with his booty.

FINAL GRADE: Oh naturally he gets an A. I love to see Michael in my lobby because he brings a little flair to the place. A for absolutely all animal! Tiger… grrrrrrr!

Posted by Harry Dean Hudson