TUE, AUG 8, 2006 at 11:23 AM


Let’s all get sick! People at record labels are always touching each other and making out and stuff – so it’s
no wonder we all get infected with germs. I personally don’t bid the happy hands hello as often as some,
but you know, the way we ignore the sign on the wall in the hall about sexual harassment, germs are sent
on their merry way every time we play grab-ass around here. I’m the only one who keeps actual kleenex at
my desk so everyone with snot pays me a visit at least once a day. Lozenges are nice but the lemon kind
make me want to barf a lot – which I waste no time sharing with anyone even remotely listening to me complain.
Did you ever notice that everyone has their own sneeze and cough signature? I’d rather not think about the
other bodily functions… but unfortunately they tell about them all the same. And of course I made the mistake
of asking.

  • “I lost $100 in a shell game [on the street in NYC], which still makes me queasy”- Steve Manning, Publicist.
  • “ My boob rash has finally cleared up, only to leave me with a nasty cough, swollen glands, and a massively sore throat.” – Kristen Meyer, Senior Product Manager.
  • “Buboes erupting all over my body, blood oozing from every orifice, black diarrhea and open blisters in my mouth.” – Jonathan Poneman, owner and CEO.
  • “I’ve had permanent sinus problems since 7th grade, and I just re-bit my lip about 5 minutes ago. Other than that, I’m as healthy as granola. Does that count?” – Jesse LeDoux, Assistant Art Director.
  • “Flannel shirt, backwards hat, combat boots and long-johns under my cut-off shorts” – Kwab Copeland, shipping.
  • “I have had serious bouts of nausea due to the high levels of ********* (aka ass candy) in the bathrooms that we share with our neighbors at ********, what do they put in that coffee?” – Josh Ayala, New Media Director.
  • “My shiznitties is fugged up big time!” – James Bertram, Sales.
  • “Oh, just the same old, same old—simultaneous pukes and squirts. Oh yeah, I also have blood coming out of my eyes. Does that seem weird?” – Megan Jasper, General Manager.
  • “I have worms crawling in and out of me and just recently they started playing pinochle right on my snout.” Kendrick Deaton, Sales.
  • mine’s kinda hard to explain [ picture of man with elephantitus of the nuts] – Jed Maheu, Sales.

See what I mean? We’re all a mess. What does this have to do with records and CDs and the intricate operations
of commerce in America? Learn the way, in your next 55 second Sub Pop sidewalk.

Posted by Harry Dean Hudson