This month’s JANE Magazine let our li’l funny bunny answer some pressing relationship questions in their DEAR MAN section:
SOAP STARS KNOW RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. DAVID CROSS TAKES THEIR PROBLEMS VERY SERIOUSLY.
Reader’s Q: My husband isn’t into lingerie. He wants me to wear flannel-footed pajamas. Is this odd?—Tamara Braun, General Hospital
David’s A: He probably had lots of affairs before you got hitched. And during your first year of marraige, you probably wore lingerie every night. After a while guys get bored—caviar and expensive vodka are great, but sometimes you want beer and potato chips, comfort food. That’s sexy, too.
Q: Why do guys love long hair? —Alison Sweeney, Days of our Lives
A: The last bald-headed woman who was attractive was Persis Khambatta from one of the Star Trek movies, and that was two generations ago. We need hair because every time a gentleman sleeps with a woman, he takes some of her hair. Then we knit it into a big quilt that’s stored in the meteor crater in Winslow, Ariz., where we all get together every August to compare our contributions. The winner gets a free sundae. So we need more hair.
Q: What if you’re on a date and the guy starts talking on his cell phone…to his ex-girlfriend? —Kathy Brier, One Life to Live
A: I don’t care who he’s talking to, that’s rude. I would get out my cell phone, call him and say, “Hey, it’s me, uh, I’m gonna take off. You’re a prick.” And then just leave.
DAVID’S QUESTION FOR YOU:
Q: I’m in love with my girlfriend and I won’t cheat. And I have opportunities with attractive women. I deserve some credit. The next time we fight, shouldn’t I get some points?
A: I feel you, David. I have a little puppy and I don’t starve or beat it. Where’s our parade? —Bridget, Uxbridge, Mass."