TUE, AUG 8, 2006 at 11:24 AM

JANE LOVES DAVID–AND HE GIVES HIS LOVE ADVICE TO YOU, THE READER!!!!!

This month’s JANE Magazine let our li’l funny bunny answer some pressing relationship questions in their DEAR MAN section:
DEAR MAN
SOAP STARS KNOW RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. DAVID CROSS TAKES THEIR PROBLEMS VERY SERIOUSLY.

Reader’s Q: My husband isn’t into lingerie. He wants me to wear flannel-footed pajamas. Is this odd?—Tamara Braun, General Hospital

David’s A: He probably had lots of affairs before you got hitched. And during your first year of marraige, you probably wore lingerie every night. After a while guys get bored—caviar and expensive vodka are great, but sometimes you want beer and potato chips, comfort food. That’s sexy, too.

Q: Why do guys love long hair? —Alison Sweeney, Days of our Lives

A: The last bald-headed woman who was attractive was Persis Khambatta from one of the Star Trek movies, and that was two generations ago. We need hair because every time a gentleman sleeps with a woman, he takes some of her hair. Then we knit it into a big quilt that’s stored in the meteor crater in Winslow, Ariz., where we all get together every August to compare our contributions. The winner gets a free sundae. So we need more hair.

Q: What if you’re on a date and the guy starts talking on his cell phone…to his ex-girlfriend? —Kathy Brier, One Life to Live

A: I don’t care who he’s talking to, that’s rude. I would get out my cell phone, call him and say, “Hey, it’s me, uh, I’m gonna take off. You’re a prick.” And then just leave.

DAVID’S QUESTION FOR YOU:

Q: I’m in love with my girlfriend and I won’t cheat. And I have opportunities with attractive women. I deserve some credit. The next time we fight, shouldn’t I get some points?

A: I feel you, David. I have a little puppy and I don’t starve or beat it. Where’s our parade? —Bridget, Uxbridge, Mass."


Posted by Harry Dean Hudson