Teal Garrels is a Poor Storyteller - L Swain
People Who Work Here has been too busy to keep up its strenuous interview schedule what with SP20, buying a house, and planning a wedding (That’s right! Someone wants to marry me!), but the list of new hires keeps growing and growing. This week we’re catching up with the newest of the new, Teal Garrels, regional publicist here at Sub Pop Records. Teal is tall. She has red hair. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a skirt or a dress, but she’s a well put together broad. Teal will eat whatever you have that you don’t want anymore. For instance, once I carried a stupid, free macaroon all the way back from Whole Foods, in my dirty hand mind you, and instantly accidentally threw the thing down the hall when I got back to the office. Teal didn’t care. She ate it. Wait a minute—that was Andrew. Teal just ate some candy off the floor which is no big deal, really. Aw fuck it, let’s meet Teal!
L: Tell me, Teal, how you started in Indiana and moved your way through Chicago and LA before winding up in Seattle? How did you break into the publicity biz?
T: I actually popped out in Michigan, but didn’t stay there long…I was 8 when my family moved to Indiana. Turns out Indiana’s too flat, Chicago’s too cold, LA’s too smoggy…Seattle’s aaaalmost perfect (a little on the damp side, but I try to keep my mouth shut about that to avoid being called a pansy…AND I knew what I was getting into). [You have NO IDEA. –ed.] Publicity came out of nowhere. I was working at a record store in Chicago, looking for a way to support my record habit (and supplement my 5 dollar an hour income), when my friend Rob [Rob Lowe, of 90 Day Men/Lichens fame. –ed.] asked if I’d cover for him while he toured the country w/ his band. So I did…and ended up working at Biz3 Publicity for about 6 years (3 of which I spent as the LA “office”). Biz3’s a good crew…I owe Kathryn a big high five for breaking me into this crazy little industry. [Regional publicists are always high fiving! What gives?. –ed.]
L: I have it on good authority that you are allergic to fish, strawberries, and bananas. Wait a sec, I suddenly feel like I’ve been had. Are you actually allergic to these things? Is it a deadly allergy or just an uncomfortable allergy?
T: I wish it was a lie! I love all of these things (especially seafood), but they all bring on different, gross, uncomfortable reactions (not fatal). Seafood makes me break out in hives, bananas make me feel like my lungs are being crushed (and then I wind up w/ a painful underground zit on my chin…or cheek…wherever it happens to land), and strawberries make my lymph nodes swell to the size of golf balls. There’s a photo of that last one in my friend Julie’s phone…it’s a doozy. [Okay, I was not going to bring it up, but Joan Hiller, ex-regional publicist at Sub Pop, is also allergic to everything and she high fives all over the place. Have you two met? –ed.]
L: This same source has also revealed some other things that I’d like to ask you about: Dude from Ministry hacked your email? You paint paintings? You are having trouble sleeping in Seattle? (WAIT A MINUTE! Am I falling prey to another lie? ‘Sleepless in Seattle’? Is my leg being pulled?)
T: Who is this source?! Ritter? I know it’s you. [Yes, he’s the rat. I sold him out so easily, too! –ed.] So, yeah…right when I started working at the record store mentioned in question # 1, I would often leave my screen open after a sale or item inquiry. Every time that happened, anyone could jump on my computer and send a mass e-mail to the entire staff as me. Chris Connelly would revel in sending e-mails telling everyone that if they didn’t shape up, I’d kick their asses and give them all cauliflower ear. [Wouldn’t it have been extra rad if it were Al Jourgensen?! And he typed those emails with his dreadlocks? Just a thought.–ed.] It really helped my reputation as a badass… Paintings? I love to get real arty when I can. [Hiller paints, too. This is getting creepy. –ed.] Sleeplessness in Seattle? True…but it happened more often when I first moved up here. I blame it on my brain trying to adjust to so much newness… [Ambien. –ed.]
L: Are you going to Bumbershoot? Who do you want to see? What’s your dream line-up for Teal Fest? (You don’t really have to answer that—it’s a pretty stupid question.)
T: Two of my favorite people were getting married down in California that same weekend, so I missed every last bit of Bumbershoot! [No big—Steve Miller Band played LAST year. –ed.] The reception at the wedding kicked out the jams though…A-Ha, B52’s, Outkast, Kylie Minogue, Men w/out Hats…I mean, you can’t argue with a line-up like that.
L: I googled you, Teal Garrels. I googled you real good and I found that you recorded some Nordic band that was on some comp. Tell me about your audio engineering days.
T: I spent 3 years studying Audio Technology at IU, Bloomington. [Sisters doin’ it for themselves! Take that, Phil Ek! –ed.] That band (Panoply Academy Glee Club…sometimes Panoply Academy Corps of Engineers…sometimes Panapoly Adademy Legionnaires) was made up of a bunch of native Bloomingtonians. I would bring them down to the recording studio and practice my new audio tricks. They were awesome to work with and didn’t complain when I used them as guinea pigs. The Audio kids were kind of low on the Music School totem pole, so we’d get the hand-me-down gear from the performance majors. This meant that our old, temperamental board would crap out often, and the best thing you could do was smack it around until it started working again. That’s what I learned in college…money well spent.
L: You have an iPhone—tell me about it. Are you 100% for it?
T: I’m not 100% for it. [You are the first person to say this, T-Bag. –ed.] I’d say I’m at about 80…the GPS part I like…and the built in camera/ipod. I’m just not so into giving AT&T my money. Plus that screen gets smudged up with my big sweaty fingers (and it’s hard to hit those tiny letters).
L: Teal, you told me once that what you were going to do that Friday night was hang out in a hot tub with your parents and sister. Are you still doing this sort of stuff? My family and I are decidedly against hot-tubbing together, is why I ask.
T: Sadly, those days are over…starting this week, actually. [No, not sad! It was weird! That’s what I was trying to tell you! –ed.] But yeah, my parents moved out to the PNW from Indiana (something they’ve been aching to do for eons…not necessarily to Seattle, but out of Indiana) and rented a spot that was fully loaded with a Jacuzzi overlooking Lake Washington. For the past year, all of our holidays have been spent in swimming costumes. Now they’re across the lake…and hot tub-less.
L: Tell me about your nicknames, Teal.
T: Well, they’ve tripled since I started working here. Some of the new ones are T-Bag (courtesy of you, Lacey Swain), Wheel Barrels, Teal-mobile, Tiny Teal [Is that like Curly or is it a Tiny Tim reference? –ed.]…
L: You work closely with Alissa and Kate in the Publicity Department. Tell me a good story about each of these girls, please.
T: Kate doesn’t have one, but a shit load of crazy Seattle apartment stories…I won’t go into too much detail, but they involved caving ceilings, peeping toms, cockroaches, curb side campers…I know I’m missing some good ones. Thankfully, she and her husband have settled into a sweet spot in West Seattle and those stories have come to an end (at least for now!). Alissa also just moved to West Seattle and is on the hunt for the best route from her house to work. I think she’s honing in…I don’t have too much dirt on these ladies yet, since I’m new and all. But we’ll all be going to CMJ, so I’m hoping to get some good stories then. [These are terrible stories, Teal! Terrible! You should’ve made something up.
L: Teal—tell me your favorite band of all time. GO!
T: WHAM! [Acceptable, although “of all time” might be a stretch. –ed.]
L: Is there anything you’d like to ask me?
T: How’d you get your name, Lacey? I know the story, but I think our readers might be curious. [I’ll be the one asking questions around here, thank you very much! –ed.]